[brush]
This is the world he painted
This is the world he saw
He wept in pure sorrow
For nothing could be done at all
Someday, one day, he hope that the rest
Would seek the truth and pull through the test
The destiny and fate of Man lies in their hands
For he who paints the world sees the world
In sorrow, yet ever joyful...
[hear me]
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
call my name and save me from the darkIt's been a hell lot of pain, anguish and sorrow since the last time I updated my blog properly. All I wanna say now is that I'm sick and tired of everything, and I mean it. Once in a while, I asked myself whether I'm the right path, and whether I have made the right choice. Everytime I do that, however, I always fail to answer this question that I put forth to myself. I'm a self-reflective guy and can't stop this self-interrogation from every now and then. Does every question need an adequate answer? I don't know, I'm not in a mood now to provide some philosophical answer. However, this time as I ask myself this, for the very first time in my life, I actually have concrete doubts about this. Normally, I would assure myself that I've actually made the right decision and that I'll prevail with all the determination and strong will I'll find in my inner-self. A sense of security and motivation perhaps? Now, I can't bring myself to this, to continue to be strong. What's left in me is emptiness, of broken dreams and memories. Grade on a curve, tons of stuff to do, so little time. Enough said, cause it pains me right through the heart. Mistakes here and there and every now and then. I can never seem to get things fixed and right, nor be able to clean and tidy up this terrible mess I'm in. Thought I found a new strength of hope for me to continue to carry on, but it didn't work out. Nobody else's at fault; it's all mine ironically. So much for tragic heroes, or am I just deluded into believing that I'm a tragic hero?
Perhaps, I am deluded and disillusioned, forgeting the world. Perhaps, I was lying to myself all along, all this while during this period silence in my space. And it's hurting so much because it's been bottled up for very long with my absence. Not because I choose too but because time limits again, as always. Not an excuse, but the truth. Been doing a lot of thinking, but the more I think, the more I feel the pain. Do I just drown in my sorrows, or do get up and move on? And if I move, will I be able to stand up strong once again and make the correct choices? If I had the chance to turn back the clock and given the power to change, I would. This doesn't happen unfortunately. I'm just standing in the middle of the crossroads, watching the world go by, powerless to change this terrible mess I'm in. Perhaps, that's what you mean by an emotional wreck. Perhaps, I'm confused about my feelings and direction. Perhaps, I have been too idealistic and believed in myself too much. Now, I doubt my capabilities. Lack of self-confidence? I think not. I'm brought back to Earth. Now tell me, what now do I believe in?
Do you feel my pain then? The feeling of whatever you've done just comes to naught? And it always seems that things will just crop up on me for no apparent. That feeling of questioning yourself every single day, trying to instil some self-belief despite the mess that you've placed yourself in. All I see now are just broken pieces of me, trying to be whole again. Will I be? Will I be strong enough to carry on? The strength I'll need to find...
I need a miracle. Save me.
I walk a lonely road, the only one that i've ever knownDon't know where it goes, but it summons me I walk alone...
